Writing Prompts 1, 8-23-99

When I was younger, during the pre-adulthood, virgin, in-school, no 40 hour a week job yet time, I really only had one friend--Stan. And I didn't meet Stan until I was 16, so the first 16 years of my life were nearly void of meaningful social content.

As early as age 7, I remember sitting in my room; alone and hating. I hated my parents, hated my peers, and hated myself. It was a serious concern for me that I had no place in this world. Nobody wanted me around, and I seemed to only be a burden to hypocritical and divorced parents; "But we still love each other, son.". And believe me, I NEVER asked to be born. There is nothing in this physical plane that I needed to materialize for and experience. Somebody goofed, okay? I'm not crying over it; I'm just saying that my presence here is unnecessary and irrelevant.

So I would sit alone in my room and think about what I wanted when I grew up...Lots of distractions. I mean, since I'm going to be alone in a room for the rest of my life, I wanted a big color tv, a big stereo, and a big reclining chair. And I wanted all of the little hand-held Mattel Electronic games--and a few other sport/skill/strategy things that could be done alone. Most of all, after the age of ten, I wanted a pinball machine. Pinball was the first machine or person I ever liked that actually liked me back. Now you take that comment however you want.

It's all about distractions. I also wanted a pool table, ping pong, a tv gaming system, and a rowing machine. However, these were all secondary to a pinball machine. The point was this: the hermit wants to be entertained. It still sounds fair to me.

So that was my little dream. When I grew up, I didn't actually want to exist by normal standards. I wanted to be alone, be left alone, and be unknown. If nobody wants to know me; fine. I don't want to know anybody else, either. If 2 people who love each other can want to not be together, then why bother loving someone? Sex is over-rated, but not quite as over-rated as money. Sex and money really don't motivate me. In fact, seclusion motivates me more than sex and money combined.

Face it, folks: this is a materialistic world. If neither sex nor money motivates you, then chances are pretty good that you do feel lost most of the time. You know, it's not so hard to understand when you stumble and fall, and your face splats right into a big puddle of the truth.

So; when I grew up, I wanted to be anonymous and occupied. 20 years later, I still feel pretty much the same way.

Writing Prompts 2; 8-24-99